Scammed

80 A.D. Roman emperor Vepasian gets together with a bunch of his buds and says, "Dude. Know what'd be cool? A big 'ol Coliseum where we could watch guys tear each other apart and stuff. We should seriously build that." And so he did.

1908. Henry Ford, looking for a new mode of transportation (and, quite possibly a better way to pick up chicks) comes up with an idea: build a gas-combustible vehicle that will take me all over town, whenever I want. And the Model T was born.

2006. Dallas Cowboy's owner Jerry Jones finally takes time away from building his empire to have a midlife crisis. Instead of just buying a Corvette like every slightly balding, slightly flabby,
middle-aged man trying desperately to hang onto his youth, he plunks down a cool $1.3 billion to build what amounts to the the biggest phallus — uh, stadium — in the NFL.

The Roman Coliseum. The American Automobile. Jerry Jones' junk. All amazing achievements, all built for men, by men. It's brainpower, willpower and, quite simply manpower that went into accomplishing all of the great things throughout all of history. It's the belief that we can do anything we set our minds to. And yet, somehow, with all evidence pointing to the contrary, men have convinced their wives for DECADES that no matter how hard we try, no matter how many times we try it, we CANNOT successfully complete a load of laundry. Well, let me tell you something ladies. YOU. . . have been scammed.

That's right. Scammed! See, it's not that we don't know HOW to do laundry, it's that we don't WANT TO do laundry. "Really? You can't throw a bright red sock in with the whites? Washing heavy towels with delicates is frowned on? You mean "dry clean only" doesn't mean you throw it in the dryer to clean it? Huh. Who knew? Maybe I shouldn't do the laundry anymore. . ."

But hold on. Before all you women out there get all worked up and start in on us, we're onto you, too. That whole "Honey, take the garbage out. It's too heavy for me" thing? Or those "I'm not strong enough to pull the cord thingy on the lawnmower so you'll have to mow" moments.

Please. I've seen a woman give birth. Twice. Without meds. After seeing that, I've come to the conclusion that there's not a man alive who's strong enough to do something like that. But if there is, just know this: he'd intentionally screw it up so he'd never have to do it again.

Trust me.